Jordan Logue

Archive for the ‘Current events’ Category

Hip New Trend Starts in Jacksonville

In Current events, Eating on March 6, 2014 at 6:56 am

One of the most popular spectator events in Jacksonville is the annual (maybe more frequently) Monster Truck Jam. I hope I don’t have to explain the Monster Truck Jam. People who go to it know what it is, and people who don’t go make it a point to know what it is so that they can make fun of people who do. It’s kind of like Wal-Mart that way.

One of the most controversial issues in Jacksonville is food trucks. Now, this is just a guess, but my bet is that the majority of people who eat at food trucks do not hold in high esteem those people who go to Monster Truck Jams. But don’t you see the common denominator? TRUCKS! (Note that I have assiduously avoided ending that with the letter X.)

Here is Jacksonville’s chance to become a trend setter. Celebrate diversity. The next big thing starts right here, right now. Monster Food Trucks. (Again, I resisted the impulse to intentionally misspell a word. Good thing I don’t work for a non-profit trying to help “kidz.”) I don’t know of anything more important than trying to bring together Jacksonville’s disparate populations. Food truck aficionados and and Monster Truck fans rejoice. Jacksonville is no longer a town divided by it’s attitudes toward utilitarian transportation.

The leader in this trend is Mega-Death Burrito, also known as MDB, or just ‘the B’ to close friends and favorite customers. Mega-Death Burrito is an old postal van bought at a surplus auction for $109.14 and fitted out with a full kitchen. In this case a full kitchen is a Coleman camp stove, and Igloo cooler and a five gallon bucket of water.

The proprietor and driver of the B is Outie Wainwright, and you can guess how he got his nickname when you see him in his undershirt which is two sizes too small. The interior of the van is done in that flocked wall paper, so popular in dentist’s offices once, because of its soundproofing abilities. Outie plasters the left side interior wall with flour tortilla shells which stick to the wall paper by some velcro-type effect. Then he lays out hamburger meat, bologna, and all manner of condiments including sausage gravy along a counter against the right interior wall of the van. The oversize truck tires help provide the magic in the burrito assembly process. Outie starts running a series of clockwise 360 degree maneuvers looking for compact cars to run the two right wheels over. He does this up to four times, or until he runs out of compact cars that give proper resistance. This explains why he mostly caters to crowds in the suburban office parks, which have large parking lots and an ample supply of compact cars that frankly, no one would miss. After he completes enough spins around the parking lot everything that was on the counter has been flung across the van onto the tortilla shells that are stuck on the wall. Outie carefully peels them off the wall with the aid of a spatula or a Sears Crafstman putty knife. Then, wearing a hairnet of course, he rolls them up tightly and sells them for $8.75 each.

Another contender is a converted fuel oil delivery truck called the Bunnell Stew Grinder. Quincy Bloodworth fitted it out with a couple of 21 hp outboard motors, one at each end of the tank that was previously used to carry fuel oil #2 back in the dark days when people relied on actual combustion to heat their homes. Each morning, hours before sunup, he scouts the roads between Bunnell and Jacksonville for road kill, but will settle for road hurt if that is all there is, and puts whatever he finds in the tank. Then he swings by the farmers market for several bushels of corn, sacks of potatoes and baskets of tomatoes. Depending on the season, and Quincy’s mood, he might get some jalapeno peppers or something a little hotter. All this goes in the tank before he makes his final stop at a local craft brewery where he tops it all off with a mixture of water and thick liquid beer waste. He cranks up the two outboard motors and then twice around Jacksonville on I-295 renders a delicious Bunnell Stew, a thick creamy concoction with just enough solid lumps to get that contrast that foodies so covet. You can usually find him out along Blanding Boulevard selling it by the quart for $8.95 or $12.50 a gallon. Bring a large bucket because it comes of that 3″ diameter hose at a pretty good clip. Hint: you can probably dicker price with him because the meter on the discharge hose is not terribly accurate with anything of this consistency.

Lest you vegans are feeling slighted, you should know about The Wedge. Lettuce wedge that is. It’s an all vegan food truck that was converted from an old VW camper which was driven by authentic 1960’s hippies who may not have ever bathed, probably had sex in the van, and may or may not have been at Woodstock, but are pretty sure they probably were, because how else could you explain, well… never mind. The Wedge is driven by a person who has named herself Daisy Cornblossom Hudson Bay Peace Tree. Daisy, as you might guess, only serves vegetables. But she only serves vegetables that want to be served. Heads of lettuce, beets, carrots, and whatever else have to get into her rolling kitchen of their volition. “Look, I go into the market, I give them money. When I come back to the van, there are all these sacks of vegetables. I don’t know how they get there. These plants want to be eaten, but only so that they can give us energy to create art and poetry and fertilize other vegetables. These are noble plants, indeed.” says Daisy CHBPT.

She does no actual cooking herself. All the vegetables roll around in the back of the van, right on top of that “air-cooled” pancake engine, which as we all know can easily reach temperatures of 500 degrees. Daisy drives around town looking for a place where people are lined up for no discernible reason. She pulls up and starts serving roasted vegetables right out of the back of van. Once someone found the strap of a leather sandal in there amongst the sacred vegetables and complained to her about the loss of animal life and the vanity that drives a person to wear leather sandals when you can weave them out of happy palm fronds and bamboo leaves. Daisy assured them the cow died happily, eating vegetables and grains. Someone found the decaying carcass and only took what hide was left after the California condors said they were full. All was forgiven.

Of course the standard is truly set for Monster Food Trucks by Mel Spurgeon who rules the world from his Kweez-in-art Fender Blender. Jacked up twelve feet high, Mel can’t even see his customers. He expects them to deposit ten dollars each on the honor system into an ol’ friend tackle box. Mel and his wife Sally drive by once, dropping a variety of fish, crabs, pork parts, chicken wings and vegetables on the ground. Sally gets out and arranges them very strategically, then Mel backs up over everything. The secret is that the back tires are embedded with razor sharp discs that chop everything up. The front tires have barbed spikes that hold an assortment of breads such as pita, naan, corn cakes and whole wheat hoagie rolls. After Mel has driven back and forth a few times, you walk to the front wheels and pick a sandwich off a spike.

So, here we are Jacksonville on the cusp of the hottest, hippest new trend in the country. The city better hire someone with their wits about them to negotiate vendor contracts at Everbank Field for the next Monster Food Truck Jam. Foodies and Muddies together at last. Don’t blow this.

An Uncomplicated Approach to Affordable Care

In Current events on July 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

There are so many things wrong with all this healthcare stuff, one hardly knows where to start. A good place might be to define some terms so that a common language and set of tools can be deployed in the discussion. This may seem fruitless as such terms are usually chucked out and replaced by political babble and catch phrases by people who are smart enough to know better, but are too morally adrift to resist the mass hysteria that inevitably comes from attempts to control other people’s lives. Make no mistake: The Affordable Care Act has nothing to do affordable care.

So, healthcare. Health and care. Take care of your health. There is a set of skill that an immature human being can learn from its parents, if it is careful to listen and not “dis” every notion of the previous generation. So healthcare is a personal responsibility, that you should have learned throughout childhood and adolescence. Wash your hands after you go the bathroom and before you eat. Exercise. Eat your vegetables. Don’t stay up too late. Lots of other rules, but you get it right? The things that our leaders are now making against the law because we would not listen to our mothers. Some people do not take personal responsibility for their health. That does not make it my responsibility.

Health insurance. Contrary to popular belief, health insurance is not a magic hall pass to the land of health and longevity. Health insurance is a contract. Under this contract, I pay some other people to protect my financial assets from devastation in case some disease befalls me and the cost of treatment exceeds my ability to pay. These other people agree to share in that risk with me, and they base the cost of that contract upon statistical and underwriting standards. I’ll pay the first thousand or five thousand dollars. Then we start splitting it up. I pay twenty percent, they pay eighty percent. Possessing a health insurance policy does not make me healthy. It makes me a responsible adult who understands the component parts of a financial plan. Obviously, these people who agree to share risk with me understand that the more I listened to and heeded my parents’ advice, the less of a risk I likely represent. Some people choose not to buy health insurance. This is not my problem. When they get sick, they can either pay for their care out of pocket (and why should that be illegal if someone can afford to do it?) or they can treat themselves at the drug store, or they can just live with the consequences of their actions or inactions. When it becomes mandatory to buy health insurance, all of the market factors that keep it affordable are eclipsed by government fiat. Care to guess where that will lead us?

Medical care, the biggest part of the whole debate and the one we hear the least about, is what I seek if, in spite of my best efforts in personal healthcare, I get sick. And by sick, I don’t mean a stomachache. Or sniffles. Or a headache. Or anything that is likely to go away in a couple of days if you give your body a chance to heal itself. So, I go to see a doctor and seek treatment. If an office visit, a prescription and maybe a follow-up can take care of it, great. I write the doctor a check for his services, go get my prescription filled and pay for it. Then I take special care to avoid whatever landed me with such malady in the first place. No insurance company or government agency need be involved. If it is something more than that, say appendicitis that requires surgery and recuperation, I contact my insurance company and begin the process of filing a claim, the mechanism by which I compel the insurance company to perform the contracted obligations.

Healthcare advocates (very few of which are medical professionals, but are rather involved in some financial aspect of the healthcare industry) are now suggesting that almost any symptom is probably an early sign of cancer and should be immediately and aggressively diagnosed and treated. Toe nail fungus may lead to heart disease. So don’t just go to a podiatrist and get your nails clipped, go instead to the cardiac center and get into a rehab program before the big one hits. If you have a headache, you should probably go and have a scan of some sort to rule out a brain tumor instead of taking a couple of aspirin. Anything, real or imagined could possibly be a sign of depression, tongue rot, lupus, fibro-hypo-tosis, mental illness, stroke, or tooth decay, and you probably need to be in a long term program in which you get dietary counseling, medication, and lots of pamphlets. Now they want to take these same behaviors, which have lead directly to healthcare costs spiraling out of control, and bring them to the millions of people who have thus far escaped their great deception.

Before you ask, the answer is no, I have not read the healthcare bill. There are several reasons for this. I know to well the environment in which this legislation was created. No good can come of this. Secondly, I reject the premise that healthcare reform is: a) necessary, and; b) the responsibility of the United States Government. As is almost always the case, when the government tries to solve a problem (which in this case it had to create and it did so effectively by hijacking the language, which I tried to clear up in the first few paragraphs) it almost always tries to fix the wrong thing, inevitably making things worse. Rather than forcing people to buy health insurance, which is not even health insurance anymore, why not create the environment in which people can succeed and prosper and grow. Then you will have a great many people demanding health insurance, driving the premium costs down. If you create a system of incentives and consequences people will figure it out. If you build a society that does not fear a set of human values (Honor your mother and father; Do not lie, kill and steal,) we may find ourselves a healthier, happier society spending much less on healthcare. My many liberal friends are rolling their eyes and tsk-tsking right now, but hey, why not try it? It just might work and won’t involve spending billions we don’t have on problems that can’t be clearly defined.

Meet the New Superintendent.

In Current events on March 8, 2012 at 11:01 am

The School Board has promised transparency in the selection of the next Duval County Schools Superintendent. Transparency has become one of those magic words, that if uttered enough times in the right context begins to confer credibility in and of itself. Like stakeholder. That one fooled and continues to fool people to this day. It gives putative leaders the opportunity to say, “All of the stakeholders were involved in a transparent process. Who am I to question their decisions?”

You want a transparent process? You want stakeholder involvement? I have the solution. Let’s elect our superintendents from now on. Now, I know the mental processes that this notion kicks off. If you are over fifty years old, you immediately think about the pre-Consolidation days before the city and county merged in 1968. The corruption, the indictments, the embarrassment of it all. The schools lost accreditation under an elected superintendent. If you are under fifty then you have been seduced by the modern progressivist movement and believe that only the properly educated, well trained academician with the right pedigree from the right institutions can be entrusted to lead the ignorant masses to salvation. And the only thing he or she has to do is convince (fool) four of the seven members of the school board.

I think that Jacksonville has progressed in many ways since 1968, and I believe that the voters of Jacksonville can elect their superintendent. He or she can hire the academician elites to help manage things. But the real benefit is this: The superintendent no longer works for the school board. He or she works for us. It restores that beautiful balance of powers in which the board sets policy, and the superintendent executes.

Think about this relationship. The superintendent is asked by the board to come up with a plan for something – student transportation, virtual textbooks, whatever. The superintendent need not fear for his or her job when presenting such plan should that plan not suit four of the seven members. In fact, the school board members must now deal with the fact the superintendent, having been elected county wide, has more of a political base than any of the members individually. The superintendent needs the member’s vote for his plan, and the member needs the superintendent’s political base and popularity either to get re-elected or just to feed his ego. Suddenly everybody is playing nicely.

Of course, it won’t always be a bed of roses. To put it into another context, think of the city. The council did not fire Mayor Peyton over the courthouse boondoggle. They do not have the power. But in a transparency like no other, every detail was played out in public with political players lining up on one side or another. If Jacksonville had an appointed city manager rather than an elected mayor, we would need a revolving door on the fourth floor of city hall to accommodate the traffic. Do you think a city manager would have come up with the Better Jacksonville Plan? With no political constituency outside of the body that hires and fires, such progress is stunted.

The school superintendent need not be a master educator. He must be a leader. He should not be hired because he subscribes to one theory of education (and therefore one group of vendors, possibly) over another. He should he elected because of his ability to communicate and lead and build coalitions that will attract the right people to positions of responsibility, and lead to success. He should not be someone who, upon achieving some metrics imposed by the board, marks that off his list of accomplishments and moves on to a higher paying, higher profile job somewhere else. His metrics are set in the marketplace of ideas that we call elections. If he does not meet them, he will not be re-elected.

With the transparent process of the school board selecting a superintendent, we are going to have out-of-towners flying in and out of Jacksonville on some headhunter’s dime, being driven to school board headquarters for their interview. Such transparency is self-limiting. I would rather have a school superintendent who was in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts here. Or is a member of a local Rotary or Meninak Club. Whom I have seen at the grocery store for many years before he or she came to Jacksonville to deliver us from ignorance. Who doesn’t have to hunt for the right church to belong to, because he or she has been going to it all along. I want a superintendent who will go around the county to fish fries and barbecues telling groups of people who matter (voters) what they are going to do and how they will run the system.

Look at the transparency of the elective process. Haven’t we all received invitations to fund raisers or meet and greet receptions for political candidates? What is on the invitation, but the list of people supporting that candidate. The steering committee, the finance committee, local politicians and civic leaders. This gives you a great idea of the caliber of the person. I will submit that transparency might be improved in the campaign finance area. But in this age of the internet, what is to stop that? Each candidate should have a campaign finance website on which is immediately disclosed every contribution and from whom. If textbook publishers are a big contributor, and you think virtual textbooks are the future, you have some idea as the how that candidate will go on that issue, and you can govern yourself accordingly.

This is how we will get a strong leader. Let him face the people – all of the people. And when there is a dispute between the board and the superintendent, let’s let it play out. Instead of the superintendent updating his resume and contacting headhunters, let him update his debating skills and contact his political supporters. Let’s find out what these people are really made of.

Have a Smoke?

In Current events, Smoke on June 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

One of the problems with being a lifelong cynic and greeting every situation with healthy sarcasm is that no one really knows when you are serious. It’s that boy-crying-wolf thing.  So, understand, this is not sarcasm. I am enjoying the smoke in the air.  I do not celebrate the destruction of forest land, and I am terribly sorry for and sympathetic towards those poor folks who have had to evacuate, or lost their homes, land or even life, like the two brave firefighters in Hamilton County yesterday. That is no joking matter.  But I am not one who is complaining about the smoke in the air. Actually, I rather like it. It’s like living in a campground.  I saw a port-o-let at a building site in the neighborhood the other morning and was tempted to use it.

I am sorry for those with respiratory problems for whom this is causing discomfort. But in all honesty the smoke does not bother me.  I even went out to the practice range and hit a bucket of golf balls this morning. Couldn’t see where they landed, but for once it was not because of my swing. The smoke obscured the range past about 50 yards. And the aroma was delightful.

I guess my 32 years of cigarette smoking is somewhat like an inoculation – like getting the measles vaccine.  They inject you with a virus and you develop anti-bodies for it.  What cigarettes have done to my lungs these forest fires cannot hope to equal.  I’m off the cigarettes now but still have an affinity for my pipe. And my preference is for the non-aromatic tobaccos that smell a bit like an old barn before you light them and rather like a campfire once you get them going.  So a brisk walk in the morning opens up the sensory pathways every bit as well as one of my favorite vices.

I do like to be sipping on a nice bourbon with water or a single malt scotch when I am intentionally smoking, though. That is challenging when you have a hyperactive English Springer after whom you must clean up on the end of six foot lead.